An Online friend has just written an interesting blog about the ongoing problems of youth crimes in the UK and certain alternatives that might remedy the situation. His very well justifiable rant got me thinking: what if the Nigeria government could establish a swap exchange with the British Government to deal with the epidemic rise of youngsters committing crimes in the UK? Now, as most people are aware, Nigeria unfortunately has a bad rep when it comes to injustices, especially when it comes to fraud. (or, as it’s infamously known as ‘419’)
Anyway, picture a telephone conversation between Outgoing President of Nigeria, Olusegun Obasanjo and the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair:
President Obasanjo: “Enlee ooo, Tonee. How are you?”
Prime Minister Blair: “Hello, Mr President Obaaasenjo.”
P.O: “Ahhh, ahhh. Tonee!! How many times am I going to have to teach you on how to pronounce my surname? Awuu!! All those Nigerians on your cold Island and you can’t recruit just one to teach you the basics.”
P.M. B: “Oh, I’ve just been busy. What with Iraq, upcoming elections, Gordon Brown breaking my balls and all, cash for peerage…”
P.O: “I understand, Tonee! Our people; they never appreciate us!! After all that I have done for my great country Nigeria, they wouldn’t even give me a third term!! And don’t get me started on that man, Abubakar….
P.M.B: (cutting into the conversation) “I hate to interrupt you, Mr President, but is there something I can do for you?”
P.O: “Actually, it is something that I might be able to do for you, Tonee. I hear that you’re having a problem with your prisons and youngsters. From my experience as an Ex-army man and as farmer, young people need discipline. Why don’t we have an exchange programme between our two countries?”
P.M.B: “What kind of Programme?”
P.O: “Well, as you know, you’re judicial system is soft when it comes to the upholding and execution of the law of the land. Since there is no fear among your young people these days, why not let my prison system put the fear of the Almighty into them?”
P.M.B : “I’m not sure that..”
P.O: “Let me finish, Jaare!! My suggestion is for you to place offenders and such into 2 of our own prisons, namely Agodi or KirKiri prison. I can guarantee you, Tonee, that after 3-4 weeks, they will be rehabilitated quick, quick!“
P.M.B: “I’m not sure about this suggestion, Mr President. The British people would have uproar! They would see an action like this as violation of basic Human Rights! The Opposition would have a field day…”
P.O: “Ahh, ahh! Tonee!! You are not looking at the bigger picture! First off all, what violations are you going on about? Are you not the boss of your country?? If they have been tried by a court of Law and have been found guilty by their peers, how can that be a violation? You are just placing them in a prison, but one more Spartan than ones they may be accustomed to? If anything, it would be more legal than the excuse the Americans have for Guantanomo Bay…”
P.M.B: “Well, off the Record, it practically does sound like a very extreme but effective measure. I’ve heard your prison systems are the epitome of purgatory. But what would you like as an exchange, if such a deal were to be sanctioned?”
P.O: I could have said financial help for the country, but somewhere down the line that money would just disappear. My idea is that for every 20 young criminals in your country that needs an almighty discipline, we send 20 young impoverished students who need good training in education. Our once established education system has now become a laughing matter. Even Ghana is laughing at us! GHANA!! If it’s not a strike by the A.S.U.U, it’s the students demonstrating!
P.M.B: “I can’t make any promises. I doubt this would even by considered by the Cabinet, but I will give it some thought.
P.O: “You do that. Just don’t forget that Nigeria came up with this idea first should Senegal propose the same idea to you. By the way, now that we both are going to be put out from Government, we should discuss business. And how is your iyawo, Cherie? Is she still embarrassing herself??”
P.M.B: “I’ll be in touch…”
***DRAMATISATION. MAY/MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED!!***