There’s beauty, and then there’s Retouching!!

One of the great things about working on a Picture Desk is this: knowing that many of the fashion/glamour photography you see  has, in one degree or another, been retouched. Now, there is colour correction and getting the right tonal balance and such. I’ve also had images that we’ve had to remove certain creases and blemishes (and with good reason!) before it can make final print. And let’s face it: Imagery sells magazines. So, whenever I hear friends, especially the women, tell me that they wished they looked as good as “X-Y-Z” on the cover of ‘Look at me: I’m Famous!’, I wish there’s a disclaimer stamp at the bottom of the page warning people suffering from a low image esteem that most of the glamourous people you see in the mags have had extensive photoshop ‘rehandling’, and that’s usually after the main shoot, that normally involves an army of make up artists, photographer and assistants, prop handlers, PR teams, Diva Management Control, and such and such.

So that’s why I reckon people should check this site out. You’ll never look at celebrity or advertising images the same way again… mwuhahahahahahah… Here’s one that was made earlier:

We live in a superficial world as it is that having the ultimate look (what exactly is said look?!?!?) supposedly the in-thing.

MIA’s Missing in Action (in every sense of the word!)

British-born Tamil vocalist & songwriter, Mathangi ‘Maya’ Arulpragasam (Or popularly known by her performing name ‘MIA‘) has had a very musically successful 2007. Of late, she has garnered many column inches and pages in magazines due to her hard work, controversial political views and her critically acclaimed album, ‘Kala’.

Due to her sell out gig at the London ICA last week, another concert was arranged at the Coronet, Elephant & Castle. The missus managed to get a photopass for the gig. I’d already taken pictures of MIA, but wasn’t really happy with the results. Anyway, got to the venue which was already packed out. The spirit of Ebeneezer Scrooge was living on at the Coronet because the heating was switched off and it was flipping freezing. That still didn’t deter people from wearing just a t-shirt. Scratch that for a laugh!

As is normally the case, the lighting was really bad, and made even worse because of the smoke machine. To be honest, I was too cold to worry about that: I just wanted to get the shots I needed and get out. MIA was scheduled to perform at 9.15. No show. 9.30, no show. At 10pm, still no show. Of course by this time, the crowds were getting really irritated and the last thing I wanted was some beer flying into my gear. (Which has happened before!) I had already seen MIA’s play list and I just knew that there’d be no way she’d be able to play the whole set, considering the venue’s curfew was for 11pm. When MIA finally did appear, she was all over the place and started to get the crowds worked up. Of course for the photographers, it was always going to be a challenge: if it wasn’t the bad lighting, it was going to be her hair all over the place. But there was something missing from the gig. She just didn’t have that razzmatazz about her. The show seemed flat, and there just wasn’t that spark. I actually do like some of MIA’s stuff, but yesterday’s show was just dire. If anything, you could say that it was , “Eano Thaano!!” (Tamil for ‘half-hearted; lukewarm). Shame the same couldn’t be said about her tour manager. (whoever the heck he was!) Towards the end of the third song, this bearded gangsta/santa wannabe suddenly appears on the main stage and starts ‘commanding the photographers out from the pit as if we were street urchins. I swear, from the way he was enthusiastically perching off from the stage, if he had slipped and broken his neck, I doubt any of the photographers would have had any sympathy. So, muppet: whoever you are and you just so happen to be reading this, I might have a Christmas present for you: Free vouchers to ‘Ak’s School for Good Manners’. If you’re really good, I’ll throw more lessons in for free. The syllabus includes how to deal with photographers as human beings, and not being an arrogant schmuck! Come to think of it, why ARE most of these tour managers really up their own backsides like the nincompoops they set themselves out to become? I reckon that’s for another blog.

On the whole, how would I rate the add on MIA show? Well, it could have been better. Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as the Go-Team gig.

Anyway, a shot from the night:

Madness….literally!!

Sometimes I wonder whether Live Music Photographers are gluttons for punishment or there are some higher forces at work that have it in for us. I honestly do. Now, before I kick off this rant, I am not implying that the world should stop for us and pander to our every need. However, some consideration that we are there to do a job would be nice. Oh, and also that we are NOT paparazzi but have actually been asked to come and do a job.

So, late yesterday night I made my way down to the O2 Arena to go and cover the band ‘Madness’. I was under no illusion that it would be that easy or difficult, considering I’ve done a couple of gigs at The Indigo. I met the PR contact, Claire (nice lass!) for my photopass & ticket. As soon as I got the details, that’s when the madness began. Since I had no idea where to go, I did the obvious thing: I asked a member of staff where I was to go. “Oh, you have to go upstairs!” ‘Go upstairs??’ Unless there’s a floating pit for us to take pictures from, why would I want to go upstairs?? Fair enough, I go upstairs and obviously I was sent to the wrong location. After going on a wild goose chase in a giant maze that is the 02 Arena which lasted nearly 15-20 minutes, I finally get to the pit only to be stopped by security that the photo-pass “ain’t the right one, mate”. Please explain to me how it’s the wrong one when there is a photocopied print out stuck on wall which indicates what pass is valid? “It’s not the right colour!” Of course it’ll be the wrong colour! The pass is yellow and what you’re looking at is a photocopy of what the real McCoy should look like!!

After that was finally cleared up, We were told that it was the usual first 3 songs, no flash. Well, that’s a given these days. The pit in question was more like a coffin to move around in and big burly security guards. Because the stage is in the middle of the auditorium, it’ll be rotating around, so you’re hoping that when the performers do come on, you’ll be at the right angle, with the right light, and within the time frame of either 1-3 songs to get the shot. Man, if Live music photographers had a Genie in the Lamp to make our wishes come true, no amount of rubbing is going to bring him out!!

The band finally comes on stage in complete darkness while the first track is going on. Since we can’t use flash, we can’t take pictures so we wait till the light really comes on, and that’s during the second track. Now, as a photographer, you have to be versatile. That’s what makes any kind of photography challenging. But it is frustrating when you have too much white light burnt into the face of the performers, the stage has rotated around by the time that you think you’ve got the shot, and when it does come around, the performers, despite performing right in front of the TV cameras on stage, point blank refuse to even acknowledge we exist. Before we realise it, the ’3 songs’ are up and we’re told to get out. Before we could even protest that the 1st song was in darkness, a big aped sized tattooed gorilla security guard tried intimidating us to get out. Nothing personal against the guy in question, but come on!!

So, did I get the shots that were needed? Well, no. All my close up shots were out of focus because, well, it’s kind of hard to focus in the dark and I categorically do not trust Auto-focus. At least I got one shot…(after some considerable dodging on the face via photoshop!)

And this shot was taken from the top of the auditorium using me trusty old 70-200:

Tis’ the season & The Penguin Cafe Orchestra Pictures…

Ok, it’s taken a while, but I’m finally back to blogging about pictures, life and then some.

First off, let’s talk about that time of the year in the UK when the majority of people get caught up in the whole festive season and spectacularly forget the reason why we even celebrate the birth of Christ. It’s the same every year: Tis’ the season to be silly! That’s right, peeps. Let’s look at Christmas shopping: Dare to go into any shopping mall or locale, the worst being Central London’s Oxford Street, and you realise just how worked up people can get just to buy ‘the’ present of the year. I sincerely believe that Christmas shopping brings more stress than going on the first date! Fortunes are spent just to buy a present and then it becomes a question of trying to out-buy in terms of gifts. Me, I no dey craze! You can call me an Ebeneezer Scrooge for all I care, but why would I spend a fortune on a present for one day, when I can get a better deal during the sales, which takes place a couple of days after Christmas??? Come on, people.. let’s be logical with this one, shall we. Yes, you want to see the look of delight on you’re loved one’s face when when they unwrap the gift, but why not get them an box with an ‘I.O.U’ note. The missus and my family already know the score on where I stand on presents. Speaking of presents, a couple of mornings on BBC Breakfast news, they were showing ideas for Christmas presents, and some of them happened to be jewellery worth £250,000. I had to say to myself, “Imagine the number of people making their way into work seeing this and really, really hating their jobs!!”

Tis’ is also the season where you have people drink themselves silly. Office Christmas parties are in full swing, and an open bar is just a recipe for disaster. You’d think many people would learn from the embarrassing ‘Chicken Dance’ or snog or ‘Throwing Up’ escapades. You’d think so! It’s already started, mind you: taking the late train from work or training, and I encounter people in the ‘Yuletide’ spirit of being totally ‘wasted’. Slurring words, designer suits stinking to the high heavens from alcohol, cigarettes, and the delightful remnants of vomit. Yep, a sight not to behold.

I could go on and on, but I’m not going to go down that path. To be honest, I honestly did not want to spend Christmas in the UK. Other bloggers that I know are meeting up in Niaja, and you just know that it’s going to be a laugh and half! Oh, well… maybe next year..

I haven’t been to many photography gigs in the past week. However, I did get a call asking whether I’d like to cover a band called, ‘The Penguin Cafe Orchestra’. I had no idea what this group was about, but on the strength of their name alone, I just had to check them out. I was pleasantly suprised by their music, and the beautiful thing about it was that they took bits from different genres. Unfortunately, I couldn’t really get the pictures that I had envisaged due to space restrictions. Oh, well. At least I enjoyed the music:

Things that I have learnt….

… on my way into work:

1. No matter how bad your personal hygiene is, no matter how much you stink to the high heavens, Londoners will still STAND next to you in a busy carriage during rush hour; still keep a stiff upper lip and only complain about the stench through the many contortions pulled on their faces.

2. Londoners like to show off their multi-talented skills by trying to read and walk during rush hour.

3. Free Newspaper vendors will indiscriminately thrust papers into you, even if you don’t want it.

4. Free offers of Kit-kats are scooped up by people making their way to the gym.

5. Many Londoners have a death wish!

6. Tube carriages are human versions of tuna cans, hence squashed moments.

7. Not everyone can speak English.

8. Not all the English can actually speak the English Language.

9. The ticket barriers can be a nuisance.

10. The Hammersmith line truly does suck.

11. No matter how cold it is, you’re bound to come across a bunch of nicotine addicts who are willing to risk pneumonia just to inhale!

12. Most Londoners would rather DIE than smile in the morning.

13. Many people should never, EVER, have the opportunity to own a mobile phone due to a complete misuse of this technology.

14. Not everyone in a suit is important.

15. The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ is truly stiff!

16. Chivalry rarely, if ever, exists. Just ask any pregnant woman these days.

17. Many people will lose their hearing within the next 10 years because of blasting the music up into their eardrums! 

I’m sure there are more things that will come up during my journeys into work, but I’ll continue another time.

As it’s the London Jazz Festival, I’ve just got in from covering an amazing gig at the Barbican. It was the Steve Reid ensemble. His performance reminded me very much of Trilok Gurtu, but that’s just me. Here’s a shot from the night:

“Get on your Rant Soapbox!!”

The next time someone wants you to do something for absolutely nothing, remember this clip. I know exactly how this guy feels….

Ye Olde Cold weather & Stereophonics at Wembley Arena

It’s very unlike me to start off a blog like the beginning of a conversation like the English tend to do, but I have to say, it’s blooming freezing in London at the moment!! You know it’s cold when you dread getting out of bed from under the duvet you’ve spent the past 7 -8 hours trying to warm up, only to be woken up by your ‘natural alarm clock‘ (i.e. the urge to go to the bathroom!)  I mean, many animals have the right idea: they hibernate and come out in the spring. Others that can afford it book their flight and leave these isles till the next year.  As for the rest of us gluttons for punishment, well, the less said about that, the better!

You layer up like a polar bear for a brand new day, and for once, during this time of the year when the working masses really, REALLY loathe going into work, people actually don’t mind ‘huddling’ together just to get that extra heat going in the tube.  You crank up the heating at work and before it’s 4pm, it’s  as dark as a Shark’s eye.  You just want to go home, cuddle up and do nothing.  I mean, is that so wrong to ask for? But you have other commitments and such, so by the time you get home, you’re envisaging how warm your house is going to be!

Anyway, this was a just an ‘Ak-ism’.  Went to cover the Stereophonics as Wembley Arena yesterday, and as always, the ‘goose-stepping goons‘ that call themselves security just makes me hate wanting to go to that venue. Let’s not even begin  to mention the ‘wonderful and glorious lighting’ and the ‘in-your-frame’ camera guys. Here’s one shot I managed to get from the night:

How NOT to spare the rod… in the UK, apparently.

I truly, truly believe that there is a huge difference between discipling and abusing a child. Not so, according to England’s Children commissioner in the UK.

People who know me know where I stand on this issue. If you don’t know, please stop by an earlier blog.

Have a great evening, people. Oh, & G, Have a safe and great time out there.

Stop & Search, black hair & Angie Stone at the Jazz Cafe!

According to the Keith Jarrett, UK’s top black police officer, he wants to demand more ‘Stop & Search’ initiatives among ethnic groups within inner-cities. Of course, this request has opened a can of worms and controversy, but before people go out and crucify the guy, there’s a point I thought might be worth considering: Mr. Jarrett happens to be in a position where he has access to stats and information about crime situations and who is committing what by  various types of people. He has more insight than what we might find out from the news (which, in my opinion, can be very biased!)  I have witnessed on so many occasions in my neighbourhood  groups of young black boys who actually cause trouble, and the police, irrespective of their colour, can’t do anything, because they have been caught up in the red tape of ‘Political correctness’.  Yes, there will always be discrimination, irrespective if a person is in uniform or not.  Now, I am not, in anyway, insinuating that black kids are more liable to commit random acts of violence and such. However, considering young black people have enough bad press and reinforce certain stereotypes as it is, is there really any crime in ‘Stop and search’? If anything, better safe than sorry, I reckon.  But that’s just my opinion. I had a rant about this topic ages ago here.

While on the topic of black, I was reading Hannah Pool’s feature on why do hairdressers charge more to cut afro hair?  Thankfully, I don’t have that problem.  With the joys of Gillette Mach 3 and shaving gel, I embark on the path to Planet Bald. Beautiful thing is: it costs less than £10 a month!  Whooho!! In your face, hairdressers all over!!

Finally, here is one decent shot (I think!) that I got at The Angie Stone gig at the Jazz Cafe, yesterday night.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: DO-NOT-COME-BETWEEN-A-BLACK WOMAN- AND-THE STAGE!! Enough said about that. But, if your curious about what I mean, read a previous blog I’ve written about this.

The fabulous Angie Stone:

Nigeria Customer Service & Pictures from Courtney Pine gig at Barbican

Before I even post up pictures from the gig, I have to rant: is there such a thing as Nigerian Customer service?? Sure, when you’re growing up in Nigeria, 9 out of ten instances dictate that the concept of ‘Customer Service’ is alien. It’s either ranging from you receiving attitude from the cashier or waitress straight up to Police or Customs Officials. If you’ve been and queued at Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos, you’ll know what I’m talking about!! It’s unfortunate, but that’s how things are in Nigeria.

So, you come all the way over to the UK and hope that some habits from your fellow compatriots to have evolved. Hah!! You’d think so, wouldn’t you. The number of times that I’ve gone into Nigerian shops especially restaurants that it’s like being in Nigeria all over again. Ah-ah!!! If it’s not Sales Staff not dragging their feet, it’s getting the orders wrong. If it’s not getting the orders wrong, it’s dealing with customers who they know first and deal with them. Of course, in order to deal with certain Nigerians, you have to put on the whole Niaja armour.

Anyway, I’m ranting here; here are the pictures of Courtney Pine & the Afropeans at the Barbican. Have a great week ahead, guys: